TRYING TO SWITCH OFF AN OVERACTIVE MIND

Its always been hard for me to switch off my mind when I really need the sleep and the dreams to get my mind thinking creatively again.  Too many thought processes are affecting the way I go about my daily life.  The dreams I end up having are not the dreams I want to have, but are all the same pleasant.  I look in the mirror and have slowly watched a part of me slipping away and its almost at a point where I cant get a grasp of it again.  Im surrounded by people who not only chew up my creative reserves, but remind me of the reason why I want to leave and never look back.  While some will say they could never walk away, Im almost at the point where I could do just that.  Im not motivated at all with the living situation and it shows.  I dont take care of myself anymore and a part of me doesnt care anymore.  If I could find the switch to turn off the anger I would switch it in a heart beat.  Does that mean I let everyone walk all over me and use me like a doormat? Im not sure, but its possible for it to happen.  Help

FINDING INSPIRATION

Lullaby Words has been found.  I am now going to go into production making lullaby words for families.  These are for birthdays, christenings, weddings, name honors and anything that someone would want to buy.  I am deciding on what I want them to look like and where my market will be.

CHANGE IS NEAR

Nothing tames the spirit more than writing the words that sing to your heart.  Expressing in such a way that empowers someone else and helps another in need on their journey, no matter what it is they are facing.  Today was one of them days where I felt exhausted and really didnt want to do a damn thing.  I felt I owed it to myself to take a step back and rest, relax and just be with my own thoughts for a change.  Thinking about the changes I want to make and the changes that I feel need to happen in my life to take me to the next step in healing and in being back to my usual.  Words are all I have.  Lullaby words that will hopefully soothe the soul.  I inherited a sixth sense that I believe comes from both of my parents.  My mum was highly tuned in with her intuition and I think in a way I too have inherited the same from her.  Dad on the other hand has insight into those on the other side.  There have been times when Ive felt the presence of people, children, spirits, things and while some have been welcoming and non threatening, I am very conscious of just how far I can go.  I think or I know that Im destined to write books or write.  Books about words that are both whimsical and heart warming to do with many situations in life.  Something about babies and the way newborns make a person feel.  Im unsure how to do this but I will make it happen.

FEEL LIKE IM HIDING AWAY

For some reason the song come up in my head when I thought of it. I feel like Im hiding away from everyone, in not wanting to be confronted on the topics that make me feel uneasy about my self and my life. I read my last post and have moved on considerably since then thank goodness. Yet I still feel Im not being my true self or that I myself am not being true to myself in what I want to achieve in life. I think it was pretty premature of me to think that I could even contemplate having another baby just yet. It feels right in my heart because I yearn for my Ruby Girl, but then its not fair to conceal pain with joy just yet. I feel my healing process needs to be extended beyond a few years to even another year, just to be clear with myself that this is right. I want more than anything to marry the man I love so dearly, but I feel alienated from the me that created brilliant magic with words, art, fashion and nature that I dont really know that person anymore. How do you get that back, how do you in a sense step backwards 5 or so years and pick up where you left off? Still need that answer, still need the inspiration I guess. I feel I need a studio again, where my creative flair can once again be uplifted. I ideally need my own surroundings where I can be inspired by the way I decorate my house and place a piece of artwork in it. Where I have a place to show the world my wonderful tributes to our Vikki-Ann. I messed up one opportunity to do that and I cant gain that back yet. My confidence in my abilities has taken a downward spiral in a matter of years and Im slowly suffocating under the pressure of lies upon lies upon lies that is my life. I miss my three babies in New Zealand, despite their ages they are still my babies and I want them here with me. I feel once they are, one part of my life can have that closure of the guilt I feel in not being there for them. Not trying my hardest to find them and letting a man get away with having them and keeping them from me. Reflect it in artwork I think, allow my self to feel via a pen, pencil, words. Something that can help me in the long run.